Momlaughs

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

You Are a Supermom, if...

...if you peel your kids' grapes.
...if you do your kids' laundry, even before they wear their clean clothes.
...if you are way more interested in planning your eight-year-old’s birthday party, than your eight-year-old is.
...if you have to limit yourself to only vacuuming 30x a day.
...if you dilute your kids’ soda pop, worried the bubbles will frighten them.
...if you bake totally organic bread, with absolutely no crust.
...if you have each kid, each day, in over 500 activities.
...if you start to teach your daughter classical french, and the doctor asks if you mind waiting, until he cuts the umbilical cord.
...if you lay awake sobbing that your four-year-old won't get into Harvard, because they lost the coloring contest at Wendy’s Restaurant.
...if you think your two-year-old doesn’t have potential to be an Olympic ice skater, because they don't twirl properly, in the balls at MacDonalds.
...if you peel your kids' hot dogs.
...if you urge your kid to run for president and the contractions are still five minutes apart.
...if you hire an oil painter to do a portrait, of your baby's ultrasound.

Help! Mom's Stuck on Spin Cycle by Cheryl Moeller - as a Kindle eBook or a paperback and CD

Help! Mom's Stuck on Spin Cycle by Cheryl Moeller on Kindle

At last a book that answers the proverbial question, “Where is my other sock?” Cheryl Moeller, emerges from her laundry room at last to tell her story – such as the time Metamucil tablets left in a pants pocket became the size of basketballs after 30 minutes in the washing machine. Her over-the-laundry pile humor will help you laugh your way through motherhood -- 31 days in a row. She’ll also give you Ten Ways to know it’s going to be a Long Labor and Delivery, Ten Things you Can Learn from your Cat, and Ten Reasons Why a Mom should be President. So when your laundry gets taller than you are, turn over a basket, sit down and read a page of, “Help, Mom’s Stuck on Spin Cycle.” Warning: You may emerge from the laundry room with permanent press wrinkles -- from laughing.  Buy now on Kindle

Buy a paperback book and get a CD of momlaughs comedy also.  Buy here.


Sunday, June 19, 2011

Ten Attractions for Mom to Avoid on the Family Vacation


Okay, let’s admit it. We’ve all been taken in by those hyped-up billboards on the Interstate promising hours of non-stop family fun and adventure. And what about those racks of exotic-looking brochures in the lobby that lure you to underground stalactite caves, bumper car heaven and a wax museum of Elvis’ favorite cats? Yet, a seasoned Mom knows exactly which “Family Fun Attractions” to avoid at all costs while on vacation…

1. Any roadside diner advertising “Home Cooking” and a “Free Oil Change.”

2. Any medieval jousting match asking for your blood type and name of your next of kin.

3. Any mule trip into the
Grand Canyon that sells only one-way tickets.

4. Any tour of a nuclear power plant that promises, “You’ll be the first on your block to glow in the dark.”

5. Any Wild West rodeo cautioning, “Patrons absolutely forbidden from feeding bulls when they charge into the bleachers.”

6. Any IMAX 3D theater showing, The Fantastic Gall Bladder.

7. Any water amusement park promising, “E. coli fun for everyone!”

8. Any helicopter ride that requires proof of a Last Will and Testament.

9. Any bungee-jump attraction that promises, “Full Money Back Guarantee if we don’t Tie the Cord!”

10. Any flashing neon sign that reads, “We’ve Never Served the Same Customer Twice!”

Saturday, June 11, 2011

So That's What the Tooth Fairy Does With Them








Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Kids Say the Funniest Things


I was making a hot dish for supper. MacKenzie, age 9, didn't like it, so I told her she could bake a frozen pizza.

MacKenzie preheated the oven, so I could put the pizza in.

She put the oven on 375 degrees.

I asked her why it was so low, because I usually make a pizza at 400 degrees.

MacKenzie said she wanted it fluffy.

I asked her how that would make it fluffy.

She said it says 375 degrees on the box, for high altitude. And she wanted her pizza high and fluffy, with some altitude.

HA HA.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

JUNE 2011 - Cheryl's Writing Mentor Conferences: Writing, Publishing, Kindle Publishing, Speaking, and Blogging

  All are welcome to join me:





Monday through Wednesday, June 13-15, 10:00 Am - 5:00 Pm, 
Cheryl's Writing Mentor Conference:  Writing, Publishing, Kindle Publishing, Speaking, and Blogging 
Free conference notes for this life-changing conference.
Lunch is on your own.  Bring your own coffee.
1500 words can be submitted for review by Cheryl.  She will review up to one month after the conference. 
Conference will be held at Bethany Baptist Church, 6700 W. Gunnison, Harwood Heights, IL
R.S.V.P. to forkeepsministries@gmail.com





Monday through Wednesday, June 20-22, 11:00 Am - 5:00 Pm, 
Cheryl's Writing Mentor Conference:  Writing, Publishing, Kindle Publishing, Speaking, and Blogging
1500 words can be submitted for review by Cheryl.  She will review up to one month after the conference. 
Conferences will be held at Harvest Baptist Church, Oswego, IL
Conference notes.  Please bring a sack lunch and your own coffee.
R.S.V.P. to forkeepsministries@gmail.com

Ten Reasons a Mom Knows it’s Going to be a Long Labor and Delivery….

 


10. Housekeeping brings in a Chia Pet and asks if you’ll water it daily.

9. The Midwife takes off her watch and instead hangs up a lunar calendar.

8. The RN sits down and begins reading her hard bound copy of War and Peace.

7. The OB doctor looks at his watch and decides he can get in a round of golf – in Bermuda.

6. The chaplain says he’s overjoyed he can bless the newborn just a few days before he retires – he’s only 28.

5. The phlebotomist smiles and says, “This will be fun – a Christmas baby!” and heads off to a Fourth of July parade.

4. You husband produces a dozen roses in the delivery room and says sweetly, “And you thought I would forget our tenth anniversary...” That’s when you remember you were admitted on your 8th anniversary.

3. Your little boy was studying for his weekly spelling test when you left home in labor – he now text messages you to say he’s been accepted to College.

2. The dietician thanks you that now she’ll be able to use all of her season tickets to the opera.

1. The monitor tells you your contractions are now as far apart as the summer Olympics.