Fall Comedy Night in Clinton, Iowa, November 13th

Load up your jeep and head on over to The Evangelical Free Church of Clinton, Iowa

Daughter's of the King presents fall comedy night, Saturday, November 13th at 7:00 Pm. 
Cheryl Moeller will be our guest comedian, so mark your calendars now.

Fall Comedy Night to get in the right mood for the holidays.

You Know Gardening is NOT your gift, if...

Your roadside stand customers offer to pay you, if you'll keep your vegetables.

Your pesticide company sprays you instead.

You hire a lawyer, to defend yourself, from the class-action lawsuit the locust file against you.

You're able to grow more mold in the desert, than veggies in your garden.

You hire the United States Secretary of Agriculture, as a consultant, to get a row of radishes to sprout.

Your heart tells you "yes!"; your knees tell you "no!"

Your weeds are your best friends, not your enemies. (You figure, at least with the weeds, something is growing.)

You don't have fourteen trillion zucchinis to pass out in late August

Your sweat is how you water your garden, causing flooding to kill your plants.

You buy veggies at the store and then lay them around in your garden, to impress others

Your woodchucks know your first name and you attend Junior Woodchuck's high school graduation.

You attempt to rototill your driveway.

Your neighbor's compost heap wins first place in the county fair, instead of your garden.

You drive your spade deep into the ground for the first time and lights flicker in the neighborhood.

You planted on New Year's Day, because the seeds were on sale.

Your rabbits actually prefer the plastic vegetable display on your kitchen table.

Your slice of cheese, in the bottom of the frig, is the only thing green growing on your property.

Your zucchinis are bought by the United Starts Defense Department, for artillery training.

The only Burpee in your garden is from indigestion.

"Top Ten" Questions I have about Laundry

All of us have questions about our laundry. Women used to have their questions answered by their moms, grandmas and neighbors over the backyard fence as they hung their clothes up on the clothesline. I am a stay at home mom of 6 with mountains of laundry to do. These are some of my unanswered questions about laundry.


"Top Ten" Questions I have about Laundry

1) How come no woman I know has time to hang their bed sheets out to dry on a clothesline but has 45 minutes to drive to a Hallmark store to buy a candle named "country sheets?"
2) Why is it socks go in the washing machine as pairs and never come out?

3) How come people say it helps the environment if I wash cloth diapers instead of using Pampers for six children -- but in the end have to dispose of two Maytag washing machines and a dryer from running them night and day? Are these people willing to come and bury my appliances in their backyard?

4) Why did I let my Aunt Lillian talk me into washing my husband's new ties in the washing machine? Why did she smile and promise they would look "better than new?"

5) How come I have to use an entire cannister of Oxyclean on my kids' sports uniform to get a postage stamp of grass stain out each week -- yet they clean an entire carpet covered with sump pump sludge with only two tablespoons on television ads? Can I connect my sump pump to their carpet?

6) How come Metamucil tablets turn into lifesize baskteballs that have a life of their own when they go through the wash if they are left in a pocket?

7) How come my laundry pile is always taller than I am? How come I often hear the voice of a man from inside the laundry pile who once went into our laundryroom to work on our furnace? Is this the reason his truck has been parked outside for the last three months?

8) How come during the spin cycle my washing machine begins to vibrate with such force and velocity that it “walks” away from the wall? It really does. It reminds me of the robot from “Lost in Space” that used to follow family members waving its arms, “Danger Will Robinson…Danger Will Robinson.

9) How come one night we woke up thinking there was an intruder in our bedroom only to switch on the light and find out it was only our Maytag?

10) How come people ask me what I am going to do with all my time when I don't have all that laundry to do -- knowing full well that I will be dead.