10 Reasons Mom Gets Distracted in December

During the holidays, dads are thinking about playoff games, and kids are dreaming about vacation, but Mom’s mind is definitely somewhere else… 

1. While everyone else stampedes through stores at 4:00 AM the day after Thanksgiving to buy this year’s most popular toy, Mom is still trying to remember where she hid last year’s most popular toy.
2. While everyone else is trading fruit cakes, if Mom says yes to one more Christmas party where they are yodeling “Jingle Bells,” she’s going to become a fruitcake.
3. While everyone else is posing for a Christmas picture, Mom is praying that the photographer won’t notice she’s wearing two different colored flip flops. (The dog has hidden one of each.)
4. While everyone else is sporting a giant red Santa hat, Mom is taking a pass this year after last year’s fender bender when she was mistaken for a stoplight.
5. While everyone else is using the Advent calendar to count down to December 25, Mom is counting down to January 5 — and the full body mud spa treatment she promised herself.

6. While everyone else is wearing Christmas sweaters with monstrous reindeer, Mom knows that they actually make you look like a mobile Christmas bulletin board.
7. While everyone else is bragging in their Christmas letters about their kids’ Ivy League educations, Mom is glad that her children have finally quit itching after running into a bad patch of poison ivy last summer at camp.
8. While everyone else is enjoying delicious roast turkey on Christmas Eve, Mom knows she burned her poor bird and must glue sliced turkey pieces from 7-Eleven® onto a basketball — and hope no one notices.
9. While everyone else is asking Santa for toys, games, and clothes, Mom is missing from the picture due to her request for 10 minutes to herself, a clean towel, and a bathtub with no plastic submarines floating in it.
10. While everyone in Washington D.C. is taking a break from politics, Mom is encouraged by her husband to run for Congress with all the new bills she has introduced into the house. 

 Christmas 1981.  I was expecting my first born, RJ Moeller :)

Christmas 1996.  I had just delivered Megan, our fifth baby, and that was not the last baby!

Quotable Quotes

Quotable Quotes by my husband, Bob:

Cheryl: "Why are you singing at midnight?"
Bob: "It helps the time to pass while I am washing pots and pans."
Cheryl: "Please keep singing!"
Cheryl: "By the way, I looked for organic fresh prunes today at the grocers, but could not find them. I'll try another store tomorrow."
Bob: "That's probably because prunes are dried plums, so you won't find fresh prunes."
Cheryl: "Thanks for the info. I did not know that."

 

 

You will find two of our Kindle books free until Thursday, tomorrow midnight on Kindle
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Homeschool Your Preschooler on $1 a Day

 

Grandma Got Ran Over by a Cell Phone: 2012 The Year Grandma Cheryl Learned How to Text

MY  2012 New Year's Resolution - "I will learn to text." (Even if it's December 31, 2012 at midnight.  Yes, I can do this.)

Megan and MacKenzie, our two youngest daughters, volunteered to be my teachers (in exchange for a trip to Forever Twenty-One.)  Reading my cell phone directions book was not working.

MacKenzie said, "Mom you are going to have to learn texting language. For example, 'C U @ the pole.' It's kind of like 2012 shorthand.  It's a unique language like French or Chinese.  You can't speak British or American English if you want to be in the "texting club."

                                                   
Megan encouraged me, "Mom, you're an intelligent person.  So, take concepts you have already mastered in life and transfer them to texting."

"What like baking a Barbie doll shaped cake, mopping a floor, cleaning up vomit or changing a diaper?  That helps you with texting and how?"

MacKenzie commented, "You're a "try hard" at other things.  I wouldn't give up if I were you, unless you never want to communicate again with any human under the age of 80."

"So, if you can't text, no one will talk to you."

"Truth."

I soon learned that my text lessons needed to be from other 13 year olds, not my own.  Kind of like not taking stick shift driving lessons from your husband.

I lost friends my first month of texting because according to MacKenzie, "Mom you 'Overtexted!!!!!!!!!!"'.

Megan gasped, "Mom, you are making our family look bad.  There's rules, mom, in the world of texting and you are breaking them." 

I only knew how to text to people who had texted me, so that brought me up to a number towering of five. To practice, I kept texting them 92 times throughout the days with things like, "IIIIIIIILIKEORANGEJUUUUICE."

                                My "First Text" Exhibit at the Smithsonian (behind glass)

At first my five texty friends thought I was funny, but then they started ignoring me not just on texts, but also on land lines and at the grocery store.

Finally, a random 22 year old girl in Chipotle showed me how to use friends' phone numbers to text to them.  I felt like a twentysomething, if only for a moment.

Still some of my friends did not answer back.  Why?

MacKenzie said, "Mom you are ruining NASA research, some of the phone numbers you are texting are land lines, not cell phones, and your messages are out near Saturn."


Megs said, "Mom, you still have a lot to learn about texting, but texting has benefits.  If you get kidnapped Christmas shopping, you can text to let us know."

Ten Attractions for Mom to Avoid on the Family Vacation

Okay, let’s admit it. We’ve all been taken in by those hyped-up billboards on the Interstate promising hours of non-stop family fun and adventure. And what about those racks of exotic-looking brochures in the lobby that lure you to underground stalactite caves, bumper car heaven and a wax museum of Elvis’ favorite cats? Yet, a seasoned Mom knows exactly which “Family Fun Attractions” to avoid at all costs while on vacation…

1. Any roadside diner advertising “Home Cooking” and a “Free Oil Change.”

2. Any medieval jousting match asking for your blood type and name of your next of kin.

3. Any mule trip into the Grand Canyon that sells only one-way tickets.

4. Any tour of a nuclear power plant that promises, “You’ll be the first on your block to glow in the dark.”

5. Any Wild West rodeo cautioning, “Patrons absolutely forbidden from feeding bulls when they charge into the bleachers.”

6. Any IMAX 3D theater showing, The Fantastic Gall Bladder.

7. Any water amusement park promising, “E. coli fun for everyone!”

8. Any helicopter ride that requires proof of a Last Will and Testament.

9. Any bungee-jump attraction that promises, “Full Money Back Guarantee if we don’t Tie the Cord!”

10. Any flashing neon sign that reads, “We’ve Never Served the Same Customer Twice!”

ELF-SERVE not Self-serve - What Mommy is thinking about in December…

ELF-SERVE



What Mommy is thinking about in December…
...while everyone is rushing through the doors chasing bargains the day after Thanksgiving, mommy is thinking about how can she recover from a broken hip in time for Christmas Eve.

...while everyone else is taking three months to find the most popular toy, mommy is still trying to remember where she hid last year’s most popular toy.

...while everyone is taking pictures at the kids' church Christmas musical, mommy hopes they don’t take one of her because she’s wearing two different colors of shoes (the dog has hidden one of each).

...while everyone else is sporting those great red Santa hats, mommy remembers wearing one last year and causing a multiple car fender bender because she was mistaken for a stoplight.

...while everyone else is using the Advent calendar to count down to Christmas, mommy is counting down to December 26 (and the full body mud spa treatment she promised herself).

...while everyone else is wearing Christmas sweaters, mommy knows that they actually make you look like a mobile Christmas bulletin board.

...while everyone is trading fruit cakes, if mommy says yes to one more Christmas party where they are yodeling Jingle Bells, she's going to become a fruitcake.

...while everyone is opening presents Christmas Eve, mommy is wondering if anyone will notice that to hide the taste, she basted the burned turkey with green jello.

...while everyone else knows Santa is real, mommy knows he isn't, but if he was, he'd be in charge of cleaning up the wrapping paper.

Have a Merry Celebration of Christ’s Birth!




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