At Last -- An Alternative to Michael Moore -- Me

(Cheryl - Flint Kearsley 1974)

I was raised in Flint, Michigan, home of the famous far-out there movie director and producer Michael Moore. Actually, the right way to put it is Michael Moore was raised in Flint, Michigan, home of the not-so-famous near-in Mother of six Cheryl (Webster) Moeller.

While I haven’t raised all the necessary funding to produce five full length documentaries, once I do, they will serve as an important counter-balance to Michael Moore. Here are my works in progress:

Michael Moore produced Roger and Me, the story of GM closing down car factories in Flint. I plan to produce Roger, Over and Out, the documentary featuring my part in the Citizen’s Band (CB) radio revolution of the 1980’s. My full length movie will feature my over the road trucking years in an 18 wheeler minivan as I hauled the whole neighborhood to soccer practice. It will feature such memorable terms as, “That’s the Big 10-4 good baby, we’ve got a full load diaper here.” It will also feature my children riding their big wheels down the driveway singing, “We’ve got a convoy….”

Michael Moore produced Canadian Bacon, a fictional account of a war with Canada intended to boost a President’s ratings. I plan to produce Canadian Geese, the true story of the giant gray birds that landed on our sidewalks. They stayed all year producing a non-stop slip and slide that the entire block got to enjoy for hours on end. Granted, it was hard getting out the green stains from The Kids Gap overalls, but it was cheaper than a day at the water park.

Michael Moore produced The Big One, criticizing the mass layoffs by corporations even as they made huge profits. I plan to produce The Biggest One, featuring the full screen ultra sound of my nearly ten pound firstborn child just weeks before his delivery. His arrival later produced 26 hours of labor and a massive layoff of pounds, and the new heavy weight champion of the hospital nursery.

Michael Moore produced Sicko, another social commentary scrutinizing our health care system. I plan to produce Sticko, the story of the unfortunate day we looked under the sofa pillows and discovered where four years of fruit roll-ups had disappeared to.

Michael Moore produced Farenheit 911, which makes scandalous accusations against our government. I plan to produce Farenheit 101.6 degrees, the true story of the stomach flu going through our large family which produced scandalous memories of our lunch at McDonald’s. No more needs to be said.

So, Michael Moore, you no longer own Flint. Watch out. I’m coming to a theater near you.