Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Nine Things Not to Say in a Wedding Card

1. Congratulations on your big day! You won't believe it but I saw your same dress on a reality  television series, "Prison Weddings". (Unfortunately they discovered it had been stolen.)

2.   My roommate from college is getting married! I'm so excited for you! By the way did you know   I read there was a serious computer virus operating on your Internet dating website when they matched you with Brad? Don't worry, they've fixed it now and no more polygamists will be allowed to get through the filter process. Enjoy your magical day!

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3.  I can't believe the size of your engagement ring cousin! And it's three carats no less! What a time of coincidences too! I happen to work at a credit agency and your fiance's score just  popped up on my screen all by itself the other day – a 25 out of 750. Can you imagine that? Keep that new diamond and your love sparkling!

4. Your wedding goes to show there are no hopeless cases. Love, Aunt Edna

5. That tuxedo your new husband wore is so unforgettable! I told Elmer on the way home it looks  exactly like those adorable Antarctic birds in, "March of the Penguins."  I'm just curious – does your hubby like cold weather?

6. To think you're already back from your honeymoon! I'm so happy the two of you are happy. I      don't even mind losing the $10 bet with your sister that the marriage wouldn't last this long.
(You two are still together aren't you?)

7.  What a thrill to meet your new husband at the wedding! I felt like I had seen him before. Then when I returned to my job at the Post Office I realized I had. To think his picture was on the wall for two  years and I never bothered to look at his name. (I hope you feel so wanted in your new life together…he is.)

8. We all wept at your wedding, sweetheart. There's no need to explain why. Aunt Selma.

9. My dearest daughter, congratulations on your marriage to Steve. They say, "Behind every great   man is a surprised mother-in-law." I'm still waiting to be surprised. Signed, your loving Mother

10. Marriage is like a carton of milk – it's wholesome, refreshing, and comes with an expiration date. May your love never curdle, but if it does, make tofu.
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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

10 Ways to Know It's Time for September

1. You let the kids play with the water hose -- in the living room.

2. Mom and dad are doing full-out cannon ball dives into the community swimming pool -- that is, until they ask you to leave.

3. Bedtime is now 7:30 sharp -- in the morning.

4. You roasted smores with the kids over an open fire last night -- that is after the marshmallow catches fire on your stovetop.

5. You make truckloads of lemonade for dinner -- using the water from the fire hydrant.

6. You call your friends and tell them you're calling from seaside at Martha's "Grape" Vineyard -- actually you're sitting in a 2 foot plastic wading pool, after your son smears grape jelly all over his face.

7. You contact Carnival Cruise Line on-line and ask if they will sell your family one way tickets.

8. You tell your husband you're having "shrimp on the barbie" for supper -- actually its your way of telling your husband that your five-year-old daughter left her favorite doll on the gas grille.

9. You call your favorite baby-sitter and insist tonight they read a story and make macaroni and cheese -- for you.

10. Mom finally takes a nap -- but doesn't notice, under the sprinkler.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Cheryl's Kindle Blogs

Cheryl's Three Kindle Blogs to educate and motivate and inspire.
Tell Your Friends and Order all Three

I Will be Your Mentor Mom
Writing Mentor

Momlaugh  Click here

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The Top Ten Attractions to Avoid on your Family Vacation This Summer

1. Any roadside diner advertising, “Home Cooking” and “Free Oil Change.”

2. Any medieval jousting match asking for your blood type and name of next of kin.

3. Any mule trip into the Grand Canyon selling only one-way tickets.

4. Any tour of a nuclear power plant promising, “You’ll be the first on your block to glow in the dark.”

5. Any Wild West rodeo cautioning, “Patrons must not feed the bulls that charge into the bleachers.”

6. Any 3D Imax theater showing, “The Fantastic Gall Bladder.”

7. Any water amusement park promising, “Raging Rivers and E-Coli Fun for Everyone!”

8. Any helicopter ride requiring proof of a Last Will and Testament.

9. Any bungee-jump offering, “Full Money Back Guarantee If We Forget to Tie the Cord.”

10. Any `All You Can Eat’ Buffett boasting, “We Never Serve the Same Customer Twice!”

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Camp Stats

8: Kids in one cabin and one counselor.
2: Percent chance that the camp nurse will have my immunizations record that I emailed her (always bring another copy).
200: Letters I mailed to camp    Read More Click here


More Kindle Blogs by Cheryl Moeller: My Other Two Kindle Blogs

Writing Mentor

I Will be Your Mentor Mom

Thanks for checking them out.  Cheryl