Friday, February 27, 2009
How to Tell if your Mom is Swedish
(written by her children)
She publishes a Swedish cookbook that begins with, “Add two pounds of butter, two gallons of cream and a quart of sugar…”
She drives 2,000 miles to the Stockholm Inn in Rockford, IL, just to have one of their "Swedes!" (swedish pancakes)
She had the bridesmaids' wear dresses with wide blue and yellow stripes at her wedding.
She tries to administer coffee and pastry to a man choking in a restaurant.
She asks the grocery store manager where she can find the ice cream with meatballs.
She scolds her children for eating their vegetables before their rice pudding dessert (“It will ruin your appetite…”).
She serves tiny mashed potato sandwiches for appetizers.
She names her triplets Arvid, Arvid, and Arvid (after her husband and his two older brothers).
She puts a smorgasbord (a buffet of 20 different entrees) daily in her daughter’s lunch box (“Oofta mia…A child cannot think on an empty stomach…”).
She drinks her black coffee from a saucer with a sugar cube tucked in the side of her mouth (the cup is filled with heavy cream just in case she needs a swig).
She cuts a homemade doughnut in half – then eats both halves.
She demands to know why Starbucks does not have lutefisk flavored coffee (lutefisk is a dried codfish preserved in lye).
She has a bumper sticker that reads, “I brake for sugar and blonde wood furniture.”
She marvels at the condensation on the bottom of her milk glass, which takes the shape of cinnamon rolls.
She starts all out preparation for St. Lucia Day in July, and wonders aloud why it's not a bank holiday.
She complains that accordion players never win a Grammy.
She rides her large Dala wooden horse, when no one is watching.
She believes a mom is as strong as her coffee.
Posted by Cheryl Moeller: Stand up Comic for Moms, Syndicated Mom Humor Columnist, Conference Speaker, Author, Cookbook writer, and Mom of 6. Contact: email@example.com at 1:09 PM
Thursday, February 12, 2009
My Valentine for nearly 31 years! He swept me off my feet, with his elaborate courting! There’s no better time than Valentines’ Day, to revive your courtship.
Courtship shouldn't end with marriage. Keep courting!
(These are intended for married couples… to fan the flames of continued courtship)
1. Make a Valentines' Day dinner for your husband where everything begins with the first letter of his name. For instance, if your husband's name is Robert, you could make roast beef, rice, and radicchio salad. Serve red licorice and raspberry ice cream for dessert.
2. Ask your wife to marry you again on Valentines' Day, over a candle lit dinner. Ask her in the same way you did the day you became engaged. Set the scene again. Relive the moment and celebrate! Look her in the eyes and sincerely pop the question again. Touch her wedding ring, still on her finger, while you ask her.
3. For Valentines’ Day, set up a mini Christmas tree in your bedroom, with heart ornaments and lights. Your red, white, and pink heart ornaments can be handmade, with construction paper, doilies, and scissors.
4. Write out your wedding vows on this year's Valentines' Day card to your wife and sign your name in INK!
Sample wedding vows for you to copy:
"I , _______, take _____ to be your husband. I will love you, comfort and keep you, and forsaking all other remain true to you as long as you both shall live."
"With this ring I thee wed, and all my worldly goods I thee endow. In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, 'til death do us part."
5. For Valentines' Day, send her the number of cards that match the date - 14. Since Valentines' Day falls on February 14, send her 14 cards by February 13, to arrive on the 14th. Some of the cards can be just a little note. Fill up her mailbox with 14 letters or cards, saying "I Love You." Snailmail means you tried extra hard! If it's already the 14th, send her 14 free Valentines' E-cards from www.dayspring.com.
6. Ephesians 5:26 "to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word."
Wash her in the Word. Read her favorite Psalm to her on Valentines' Day or send by email. My favorite Psalm is 119. So, Bob is going to be reading to me, all morning. :)
7. Add “I love you” to his calendar on the day of his birthday, every month. So, if he was born on December 15, write ” I love you” on the 15th of every month. He'll remember every month how grateful you are to be his Valentine.
8. Give him a coupon for a day alone at your family home to be enjoyed sometime later in February. Coupon will read: Enjoy your clean, quiet home one whole day alone. On your gift day, your lunch will be in a bag in the frig with your name on it. The house is your's to enjoy, all by yourself.
9. For Valentines' Day Dinner, make her a taco salad, with her favorite ingredients. Buy a bag of large taco chips to use as the silverware. Turn down the lights and light some candles. Take a moment to feed her with a chip.
10. Go out with both sets of grandparents for a triple date for Valentines' Day.
11. Practice smiling throughout the day on Valentines' Day. It could be contagious!
Give your honey a funny book for Valentines' Day. It's like giving your joy.
12. On this Valentines' Day, if you haven't already, decide together, over dinner, on a Bible verse for your marriage. Our marriage verse is, "For me and my house... we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15
13. Make a homemade Valentines' Day card for him on Valentines' Day. The cover of the card is a school girl picture of you. Inside there's a heading, "100 X"
Write 100 sentences, "I promise to love Bob, all my days." "I promise to love Bob, all my days." "I promise to love Bob, all my days." Write it 100 xs!
Sign "I love you" and your name at the bottom of the card.
14. Have a "back to the future" Valentines' Day. Go to a park, even in the winter. Walk hand in hand. Push each other on the swings. Take a picnic of PB & J, spagetti O's, celery/carrot sticks, and a thermos with hot cocoa. Act young and you will feel young.
15. Do a mini-triathlon together for Valentines' Day, even if it's swim at your indoor pool a 1/2 mile, run 1/2 mile, and bike 4 miles. It's fun! Exercise together, no matter what. It takes the fight out of you.
16. Don't let the sun go down, without saying "I love you" every day. On Valentines' Day, say it at least five times.
17. Confetti is a sign of celebration and honor. Put a bunch of confetti on his car sun visor and close. When he opens it on Valentines Day, the confetti will rain down on him, like your love. Make a sign on the visor mirror, with lipstick, that says, "Celebrate our love! I celebrate you! Happy Valentines' Day. I love you!"
18. Revive the "Sunday afternoon Drive" on Valentines' Day. Take her for a drive to no particular location. Our grandparents' generation considered this a luxurious, fun outing! Pack a small wicker basket with water, fruit, and cheese. Discover a new local sight together.
19. Make a special drink for her Valentines' breakfast, with her favorite ingredients - half orange juice, 1/4 apple juice, 1/8 pineapple juice, and 1/8 papaya juice and and name the drink after her.
20. Have some family and friends over on Valentines' Day, for a Grill off in your Kitchen Stadium. The two of you can be the M.C.s. Give creative Valentines' Day Prizes - anything red. Play some fun games like Bobbing for RED Apples. Laughter is good medicine.
21. Gift her several gifts for Valentines' Day - including a book you have already read - with a letter of why you loved this book and think she will too.
22. Make Valentines' breakfast for him. Make everything from scratch the night before, even down to the homemade butter in the shape of a heart. Serve your homemade breakfast to him, in bed.
23. This Valentines' Day, display your wedding pix on your facebook, for all your friends to see.
24. Give her a gift of two potted trees for Valentines'. On the attached card, write how these two trees represent the two of you and promise her that you are going to plant them in your yard, once spring comes. They will be a symbol and constant reminder of two lives, growing strong together!
25. Bring the surprise and wonder of Alaska to your home this Valentines' Day. Do something out of the ordinary - make an Alaskan Dinner for him. Get your free copy of Cheryl's E-Cookbook Aunt Sarah's Alaskan Cookbook Here.
Happy Valentines’ Day from Cheryl Moeller Production. Cheryl is available to speak at your next event with comedy about family, marriage, laundry, how to recycle pampers, "what's for dinner?" Contact firstname.lastname@example.org.