1. While everyone else stampedes through stores at 4:00 AM the day after Thanksgiving to buy this year’s most popular toy, Mom is still trying to remember where she hid last year’s most popular toy.
2. While everyone else is trading fruit cakes, if Mom says yes to one more Christmas party where they are yodeling “Jingle Bells,” she’s going to become a fruitcake.
3. While everyone else is posing for a Christmas picture, Mom is praying that the photographer won’t notice she’s wearing two different colored flip flops. (The dog has hidden one of each.)
4. While everyone else is sporting a giant red Santa hat, Mom is taking a pass this year after last year’s fender bender when she was mistaken for a stoplight.
5. While everyone else is using the Advent calendar to count down to December 25, Mom is counting down to January 5 — and the full body mud spa treatment she promised herself.
7. While everyone else is bragging in their Christmas letters about their kids’ Ivy League educations, Mom is glad that her children have finally quit itching after running into a bad patch of poison ivy last summer at camp.
8. While everyone else is enjoying delicious roast turkey on Christmas Eve, Mom knows she burned her poor bird and must glue sliced turkey pieces from 7-Eleven® onto a basketball — and hope no one notices.
9. While everyone else is asking Santa for toys, games, and clothes, Mom is missing from the picture due to her request for 10 minutes to herself, a clean towel, and a bathtub with no plastic submarines floating in it.
10. While everyone in Washington D.C. is taking a break from politics, Mom is encouraged by her husband to run for Congress with all the new bills she has introduced into the house.