Monday, April 11, 2011
Ten Ways a Mom knows that Winter has Gone on Too Long
In the Midwest you are very excited when your see the first snow flurries of the season at the end of October. You love having a white Christmas. Then, there's a big blizzard New Year's Eve and finally you make it to MLK Day. But, what’s a Mom to do when she’s still trapped inside on Valentines' Day? Or, St. Patty's Day or Easter?????? Here are 10 sure signs our Midwest winter needs to mercifully end right now…
1. The clerk at Dairy Queen® asks if you’d like to order another
Blizzard®, and you immediately begin to weep and shake
2. The temperature finally reaches 34 degrees above zero, so you roll
out the backyard Slip ‘N Slide® and spend the afternoon gliding on
your stomach and honking like a Pacific seal (and your kids don’t
even get a turn).
3. You wear thermal underwear instead of nylons to formal occasions
— and so does everyone else.
4. You use the wrong end of the snow shovel to finish clearing the
driveway and still do it in less than 30 minutes.
5. You spend an hour a day reading by the 20-watt light bulb in the
freezer to combat Seasonal Affective Disorder (and don’t notice
your nose is frostbitten).
6. You demand to leave your fur-lined boots on during your pedicure
(and the pedicurist agrees it’s a good idea).
7. To save time shopping, you snowmobile through Walmart®, causing
prices to instantly roll back.
8. To lose weight, you take your goose-down coat in for liposuction
(and it works).
9. You cancel your plans to spend all day Saturday ice fishing. (You
haven’t figured out how to get the outboard motor through the hole
in the ice.)
10. You rush outside in a blizzard with a hand-held hair dryer to
prevent another “snow day.”
By Cheryl Moeller, Midwest native, who loves living in a winter wonderland.
Author of eight books, including Help! Mom's Stuck on Spin Cycle
Posted by Cheryl Moeller: Stand up Comic for Moms, Syndicated Mom Humor Columnist, Conference Speaker, Author, Cookbook writer, and Mom of 6. Contact: firstname.lastname@example.org at 10:43 PM