Momlaughs

Sunday, June 30, 2013

8 Ways to Answer Your Kids' Complaints on Vacation


1. "This is boring..."
Answer: Pretend you are one of the Irish Tenors and sing "Danny Boy" at the top of your voice while occasionally dabbing your eyes with a Kleenex."
2. "It's taking too long to get there..." 
Answer: Tell the kids, "The people we're going to visit serve stewed spinach and frozen ox tongue for breakfast and lunch every day. Still want us to step on it?"
3. "I'd rather be back home in my own room..."
Answer: Hold up an envelope and tear it in half again and again and say, "You're absolutely right. I always told your grandparents these tickets to Disneyland were a stupid idea from the very beginning."
4. "I think we need to stop, I'm feeling sick..." Answer: "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. But don't worry...look up... I've taped a lunch bag on the car ceiling above each seat."
5. "She's sitting on my side of the seat. Tell her to move over..."
Answer: Crawl over the back seat between them and attempt to stand on your head on the floor of the car while flailing your legs in the air shouting, "Danger...danger...Will Smith...intruder detected....danger...."
6. "You promised this would be fun..." 
Answer: Produce two oxygen masks from the glove compartment, putting one on your husband's face and the other on your own. Breathe deeply then start laughing hysterically. Keep laughing until you are crying, While you both are still unable to speak scratch out the words, "Laughing Gas" on a piece of paper. Offer to share your masks with the kids.
7. "There's nothing I like to eat here..." 
Answer: Bring along some large granola pieces poured into a dog food bag. Pour them out in a dish at the restaurant and start eating with just your mouth. Look up occasionally and bark. When you're finished say, "Hmmm...you're right. This tastes so much better. Here, you try some."
8. "We never have enough money to have any real fun..."
Answer: "Money doesn't grow on trees.
Second Answer: "Actually money does grow on trees, because it's made out of paper." 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Happy Birthday Carolyn!

Happy Birthday Carolyn 
Thursday, June 26, 2013
 
 
            
 

Happy Birthday Today to Carolyn, one of Cheryl's Sisters
 
                                   Sister Carolyn shown here with her three daughters


Wednesday, June 19, 2013

How to Know if you are an "Over the Top" Grandparent

All of us have run into grandparents all too eager to show us pictures, slides, jpegs and endless other representations of their grandchildren. While these pictures are immensely interesting to the grandparents themselves, they can prove to be a "real snoozer" for the casual participant (trapped victim).

Here are ten ways to know if you have become the slightly obnoxious, (okay, at times really obnoxious) "Over the Top" Grandparent:

1)  You hold up traffic at busy intersections trying to interest the driver in the next lane with pictures of your grandchild's first visit to Santa (and it's now August).

2)  You buy a new black suit, take it to Walgreen's, and have the photo department burn a life-size picture on the suit jacket of the delivery room nurse holding up your first grandchild seconds after birth (no need to wear a tie -- the umbilical cord does the trick).

3)  You have a billboard installed in your front yard with a picture of you and your grandchild -- rotating spotlights are used to highlight dimples. 

4)  Crime drops in your area as even would-be intruders are afraid of being confronted in the middle of the night with your accordion-like string of wallet-sized pictures of the twins.

5)  You have pay extra for the three vanity license plates on the back of your car that combined read, "IM GREATST GRANDPRT IN WRLD W/ QUTEST GRANDCHLD EVR IN HISTRY OF WORLD -- HONK IF U'D LIKE TO C PICHURES." 

6)  You try making the same face your little niece does when she eats oatmeal to the nice highways patrolman who pulled you over. He reaches for the handcuffs. 

7)  You are hired by the Sleep Insomnia Clinic to cure patients by endlessly talking about sweet Janey's first music recital and how her mother also played the piano when she was just that age (you have a 100% success rate within 10 minutes).

8)  Waterboarding is no longer needed at Guantanomo Bay to extract information, rather interrogators simply pipe in (non-stop) video and audio recordings of little Suzy's first year of practicing the saxophone (everyone eventually breaks).

9)  Several hospitals are able to cut the amount of anesthesia needed to put patients "under" before surgery by hiring you to stand next to the operating table and recite over and over all the cute little things your grand daughter said to you on the phone last week (belly-laughing at them all). Like magic patients lapse into deep unconsciousness.

10) You invent a code that foreign nations cannot break based on the adorable little names your adorable little grandchildren call you (...grinpappa calling grandmeow...please send secret formula to grampooza from pappaw....do you copy?) 


  Obnoxious picture carrying and blog writing Grandma Cheryl  

Don't just laugh at me; laugh with me. Read Mom's Stuck on Spin Cycle

Summer Veggies Turkey Roast


Ingredients:
1 - 3 lbs. fresh turkey breast roast
4 stalks, fresh asparagus, cut into 1 inch slices
1 long stalk of rhubarb, cut into 1 inch slices
6 thin sliced large rings of purple onions
1/2 cup fresh mushrooms
1 packet dry turkey gravy mix
2 tsps. freshly ground pepper

Directions:
1.  Place turkey breast in slow cooker.
2.  Sprinkle veggies on top of meat
3.  Sprinkle dry turkey gravy mix and freshly ground pepper on top of all.
4.  Cover and cook on low setting for eight hours.

From Creative Slow-Cooker Meals by Cheryl Moeller

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Our Children are Not a Herd


 4 Questions Parents Need to Consider as they Leave the Harbour Sailing into Summer


1. What activity could I cut out of my schedule or my children's schedule, so I can have time to take each one of my children out individually each month?

2. When out one-on-one with one of my children, what's a short personal story from my childhood I can share about myself that I have not shared with my kids up until now?

3. What are some "soft first steps" heart- to-heart questions that I could ask when out individually with one of my children to get a conversation going that is beyond head-to-head logistics instead directed heart-to-heart?

4. What are some whole family group activities that everyone can have fun at regardless of the ages of the children or grandchildren in my family?

Track Season Done and New Horizons on the Scene with Summer Fast Arriving after A Cold Spring
Revised saying:  May Showers Bring June Flowers

Monday, June 3, 2013

Which Card are You Going to Pick out for Dad on Father's Day?

12 Father's Day Cards

Sample #4
#4.  Dear Dad, how come whenever you make dinner a car with a lit up sign on its roof pulls into our driveway? Happy Father's Day.
Read all 12 


Happy Father's Day! Especially to my dad Roy and father-in-law Homer, who are both now in heaven.
Happy Father's Day to the father of our six children, Bob.
Happy Father's Day to my grandson's father and our great son-in-law Stephen

We add now also a daughter-in-law and grandson since this picture was taken.