Sunday, June 30, 2013

8 Ways to Answer Your Kids' Complaints on Vacation

1. "This is boring..."
Answer: Pretend you are one of the Irish Tenors and sing "Danny Boy" at the top of your voice while occasionally dabbing your eyes with a Kleenex."
2. "It's taking too long to get there..." 
Answer: Tell the kids, "The people we're going to visit serve stewed spinach and frozen ox tongue for breakfast and lunch every day. Still want us to step on it?"
3. "I'd rather be back home in my own room..."
Answer: Hold up an envelope and tear it in half again and again and say, "You're absolutely right. I always told your grandparents these tickets to Disneyland were a stupid idea from the very beginning."
4. "I think we need to stop, I'm feeling sick..." Answer: "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. But don't worry...look up... I've taped a lunch bag on the car ceiling above each seat."
5. "She's sitting on my side of the seat. Tell her to move over..."
Answer: Crawl over the back seat between them and attempt to stand on your head on the floor of the car while flailing your legs in the air shouting, "Danger...danger...Will Smith...intruder detected....danger...."
6. "You promised this would be fun..." 
Answer: Produce two oxygen masks from the glove compartment, putting one on your husband's face and the other on your own. Breathe deeply then start laughing hysterically. Keep laughing until you are crying, While you both are still unable to speak scratch out the words, "Laughing Gas" on a piece of paper. Offer to share your masks with the kids.
7. "There's nothing I like to eat here..." 
Answer: Bring along some large granola pieces poured into a dog food bag. Pour them out in a dish at the restaurant and start eating with just your mouth. Look up occasionally and bark. When you're finished say, "'re right. This tastes so much better. Here, you try some."
8. "We never have enough money to have any real fun..."
Answer: "Money doesn't grow on trees.
Second Answer: "Actually money does grow on trees, because it's made out of paper." 

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