Mama's Christmas List

                           10 Gifts Mom Wants for Christmas.... 
                                                                                 What mom really gets...

1.  What mom wants for Christmas?  Christmas breakfast tea served on a real silver tray.  Brilliant.

What mom really gets...  A sryupy Styrofoam plate from McDonald's thrown at the back of her head from her crying one year old.  .

2.  What mom wants for Christmas?  Month long spa candlelight massage and jaccuzzi.  Splendid.

What mom really gets...  A hosing down by the neighbor's exotic elephant's trunk.

3.  What mom wants for Christmas?  Sitting around doing nothing.  Unscheduled. 

What mom really gets...  Free time... She can dream, can't she?

4.  What mom wants for Christmas?  Extra large gift certificate to a mom bookstore and leisurely weeks to read.  Bookworm.

What mom really gets...  All pre-owned books with 3-d popups that either moo, boo, or coo.

5.  What mom wants for Christmas?  A chick flick DVD.  Classic English literature come to life.  Pride and Prejudice.

What mom really gets...  55 seasons of the Deadliest Catch. 

6.  What mom wants for Christmas?  A 14 carat diamond necklace.  Sparkly.

What mom really gets...  14 carrots compliments of  Winn Dixie.


7.  What mom wants for Christmas?  LED lights so Christmas decorations can be environmentally friendly.   Going Green.

What mom really gets...  Blinking lights from the tow truck that is hauling her stalled car to the garage.

8.  What mom wants for Christmas?  A hand bell choir musical rendition of the Little Drummer Boy.  Pa rum pum pum pum.

What mom really gets...  Three sons beating incessantly on three drums given to them by their diabolical aunts and uncles.



9.  What mom wants for Christmas?  10,000 festive lights in the backyard on trees large and small.  Twinkly.

What mom really gets...  One used birthday candle left in the utility drawer encrusted with dog hair and molded bread crumbs.


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What mama wants; mama don't get.  But, mom is still sending her letter to Santa.

9 Ways You Know You've Overdone Your Christmas Decorations

1. The live nativity in your front yard puts the Bronx city zoo out of business.
2. The herd of lighted reindeer in your yard produces a rash of polar bear sightings (and you live in Florida).
3. Your green Christmas garland is so long Tarzan unexpectedly crashes through the front window.
4. The large icicles on your Christmas tree are credited with reversing global warming.
5. Your blow-up inflatable Snowman deflects several killer asteroids back into space.
6. With the thousands of twinkling lights, E.T. dials your number trying to phone home.
7. The elves at the North Pole are jealous!
8. Rudolph’s nose is so bright your neighbors get up at 2:00 Am to leave for work.
9. Due to an abundance of bright lights several 747’s line up for final approach to your house.