Ten Reasons why Mothers have Mixed Feelings about Labor Day

Momlaughs with two, expecting #3 - eventually a total of 6 Blessings!


Ten Reasons why Mothers have Mixed Feelings about Labor Day

Momlaughs monthly syndicated humor column, featured on many online magazines
including Families Online Magazine

1. Their husband was still snoring when the contractions were less than a minute apart.

2. The childbirth coach promised the contractions wouldn't hurt any more than holding an ice cube in her hand. She's never been able to take ice in her tea, since then.

3. Rather than playing soothing music in the birthing room, her husband listened to ESPN Classics rerun of the 1987 Super Bowl.

4. The doctor decided to play an additional nine holes and ordered the Pictosin drip turned down to one drip per hour.

5. Her husband took a picture of her facial expressions, during hard labor and used it for their family Christmas letter.

6. The hospital mistakenly delivered a taco supreme with Tabasco sauce, instead of clear broth and ice chips for lunch.

7. The florist tied five dozen helium balloons to the end of the bed, causing it to rise at a 45 degree angle for over an hour.

8. The nurse mistakenly wrote the name of the prescription on the birth certificate -- making her the proud mother of a girl named Tylenol 3.

9. Your husband promised the entire delivery room staff a sit down Thanksgiving dinner the day after you arrive home.

10. She overheard her husband in the hallway saying, "I don't know what the big deal is about labor...I think she's being overly dramatic..."

"Top Ten" Questions I have about Laundry

All of us have questions about our laundry. Women used to have their questions answered by their moms, grandmas and neighbors over the backyard fence as they hung their clothes up on the clothesline. I am a stay at home mom of 6 with mountains of laundry to do. These are some of my unanswered questions about laundry.


"Top Ten" Questions I have about Laundry

1) How come no woman I know has time to hang their bed sheets out to dry on a clothesline but has 45 minutes to drive to a Hallmark store to buy a candle named "country sheets?"
2) Why is it socks go in the washing machine as pairs and never come out?

3) How come people say it helps the environment if I wash cloth diapers instead of using Pampers for six children -- but in the end have to dispose of two Maytag washing machines and a dryer from running them night and day? Are these people willing to come and bury my appliances in their backyard?

4) Why did I let my Aunt Lillian talk me into washing my husband's new ties in the washing machine? Why did she smile and promise they would look "better than new?"

5) How come I have to use an entire cannister of Oxyclean on my kids' sports uniform to get a postage stamp of grass stain out each week -- yet they clean an entire carpet covered with sump pump sludge with only two tablespoons on television ads? Can I connect my sump pump to their carpet?

6) How come Metamucil tablets turn into lifesize baskteballs that have a life of their own when they go through the wash if they are left in a pocket?

7) How come my laundry pile is always taller than I am? How come I often hear the voice of a man from inside the laundry pile who once went into our laundryroom to work on our furnace? Is this the reason his truck has been parked outside for the last three months?

8) How come during the spin cycle my washing machine begins to vibrate with such force and velocity that it “walks” away from the wall? It really does. It reminds me of the robot from “Lost in Space” that used to follow family members waving its arms, “Danger Will Robinson…Danger Will Robinson.

9) How come one night we woke up thinking there was an intruder in our bedroom only to switch on the light and find out it was only our Maytag?

10) How come people ask me what I am going to do with all my time when I don't have all that laundry to do -- knowing full well that I will be dead.