It seems like no sooner does one Presidential campaign end than another gets underway. Yet, if we are really to solve our nation’s problems perhaps we should turn to one person who can provide the real answers in times of crises --- Mom. So what would happen if Mom was elected President? Well for starters…
1. Her presidential cabinet would be reorganized to consist of experts who could find shoes that fit (Department of the Insole), make microwave dinners taste homemade (Department of Homeland Mac and Cheese), and get ketchup stains out of clothes (Department of Clorox Security).
2. She would instantly command the respect of world leaders by demonstrating her multitasking abilities – negotiating a nuclear arms treaty while doing her child’s math and simultaneously rescheduling the next visit to the orthodontist.
3. All presidential limos will be replaced with bullet-proof minivans equipped with DVD players and yogurt cup holders.
4. Everyone in the nation will receive a “McDonald’s Happy Meal©” tax credit. (An additional stimulus package consisting of one Filet-O-Fish© and McFlurry© per family will be presented to Congress.)
5. Her first one hundred days in office will focus on making sure there are no dangerous electrical outlets in the West Wing.
6. The Presidential Seal with the eagle brandishing arrows will be replaced with a picture of the Gerber Baby© waving a Sippy Cup.
7. Her first choice in a vice-president will be a reliable baby sitter.
8. She will encourage Supreme Court Justices to form a choir since they already all wear those nice matching black robes.
9. The leaders of the G7 nations will be forced to play a game of soccer on the front lawn of the White House. If they can learn to play as a team they will all get juice boxes and a granola bars at the end of the game (warning: two yellow cards and you get sent home).
10. After the first 100 Days Alvin and the Chipmunks© will deliver a command performance at the White House.